"Good morning, sweetheart. Let mommy take off your jammies and change your diaper."
"No mommy; A do it."
"Let me comb your hair."
"No mommy; A do it."
I stand back and watch A do it the exact opposite of how Mommy would do it. Her hair is now sticking straight up from being combed backwards, and she is still wearing her pajamas and wet diaper. We get to the stairs, and my daughter lifts her arms. "Hold you mommy." It seems the only things A doesn't want to do are walk and use the big girl potty. We've not even made it to the breakfast table, and I've heard her sweet voice say, "A do it" about ten times.
When my little girl was an infant, describing her with the word needy would be an understatment. I could barely leave her side for seconds without her exploding into a powerful cry. Any babysitting offers normally lasted about five minutes before I was called by a panicky voice telling me that A could not be consoled. I remember longing for the day that she would become just a little more independent.
That day came too fast. Just last week, our little girl joyously received her big girl bed, and I wistfully wondered where my baby had gone. Her daily chorus of "A do it" reminds me of just how quickly she is growing into the big girl she so longs to become. (Apparently in her mind, though, big girls wear diapers.) Her independent will and lack of mastery in many of those do-it-yourself skills lead to daily battles. She's demanding to do it on her terms, while I still want to do it on mine. And truth be told, maybe I'm not quite ready to let go of some of those tasks that I find so endearing, like picking out her outfit for the day, brushing her hair, and putting on her little socks. Plus, it goes much more smoothly and quickly when "Mommy do it." But just like it's A 's job to grow up; it is my job to allow her to do just that.
Dorothy Fisher wisely said, "A mother is not a person to lean on, but a person to make leaning unnecessary." I'm not sure who Ms. Fisher is, but she beautifully summed up the purpose of parenting in one succinct sentence. How hard, though, is it not to encourage our children to lean, when we as mothers are born nurturers. I struggle to allow A to try things on her own and learn more about her world on her terms; it means that she needs me less and less. Yet, I understand the importance of my job as the one who makes leaning unnecessary, and just as hairbrushing and shoe tying are important roles, so is being the one who teaches A how to do it successfully on her own. That only comes by allowing her to no matter how inconvenient it may be at times.
T, A, and I are watching the Olympics and eating chocolate chip cookies, when A gets up from her spot and walks over to her daddy. She takes his empty plate, says "A do it," and walks into the kitchen. She then comes back and gets my plate to do the same.
"Thank you!" I exclaim proudly. I hope this part of the "A do it" phase lasts long into the teenage years.
"You welcome," she says triumphantly, obviously pleased with the results of her efforts.
I watch A return to her place in the floor, her eyes riveted on the competing athletes. Perhaps she is dreaming of her own Olympic debut, and like Michael Phelps, whose mother allowed to swim in the deep end on his own, and Shawn Johnson, whose mother allowed to swing unreserved from the uneven parallel bars, I realize that allowing A to cautiously do things on her own may not be such a bad thing, after all. Sure, it makes mommy sad to see her little girl growing so quickly, but at the same time it thrills me to know she is so eager to try and to learn. I love watching her eyes flash when she recognizes her letters, or watching her little chin lift with pride when she kicks the ball in a straight line. After all, isn't this what God has called us as parents to do?
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Flawed Systems: The BCS vs. Women's Gymnastics
American television audiences sat stunned as they watched Chinese gymnast Cheng Fei take the bronze medal after crashing to her knees in the women's vault finals. A beautifully landed vault by Alicia Sacramone placed fourth. Mere hours later, we once again gasped in disbelief when Nastia Lukin lost the gold medal on uneven parallel bars to He Kexin after receiving the same score. Even if you overlook the fact that the gymnast might not even be old enough to compete in the Olympics, to the casual observer it is obvious that the scoring system contains glaring flaws. While watching the credibility of those Olympic judges tumble, I was reminded of another championship-deciding system that also carries some of the same frustrating flaws: the BCS. It seems that women's gymnastics actually does have a little something in common with college football.
In both college football and gymnastics, the past carries weight in the present. Before the first ball is snapped or the first somersault is spun, teams and athletes with past success are automatically given an advantage. USA Today's pre-season pollsters give Michigan entry into the top 25 despite the fact that they are breaking in a new coach and are recovering from some stumbles last season. Why? Because they're Michigan. Even though they've recently failed to come through when it counts, Ohio State is sitting pretty at number 2 or 3, depending on which poll you count. USC and Oklahoma are again near the top for the fifth or sixth year in a row. These rankings set up the race for the championship before nary a play is made. Those teams enter every season with a national championship advantage that is very difficult for lower teams to overcome simply because they've done well before, very often despite the previous season's performances. In women's gymnastics, judges, too, are aware of the "favorites" before the opening ceremonies are completed.
There are no tie breakers in either sport. There is no slugging it out on the field or in the gym to see who really is the team on top. For Nastia Lukin's uneven parallel bar tie, it went to the computer. Let's take away this score, throw this score in the mix, add a cup of sugar, a tablespoon of butter, and voila! looks like the Chinese gymnast comes out on top. Football is basically the same recipe. Let's take this poll, a little of that poll, a coach's vote here, a reporter's vote there, and boom! these two teams play for a National Championship. Sorry, Football U. you're schedule wasn't as "difficult" as Number One University.
Subjectivity. In sports where a championship is the goal, where one team or one person strives to prove their dominance in the sport, their unarguable, undeniable worth of being declared the best, subjectivity plays too large a role for the result to be taken seriously. There is no true number one. Pollsters decide, often disagreeing, throughout the season who should be first, second, etc. in college football. In gymnastics, judges often score the same routine with vastly differing scores, despite there being a set formula for difficulty and deductions. Human judgment decides in a big way who gets a chance to play for the prize. And as any of us who are human can tell you, it is very difficult to separate bias and emotion from our decisions no matter how hard we may try.
While I don't really care that much about women's gymnastics, other than pride in my country and a disdain for cheating in any sport regardless of who's playing, it is upsetting that there isn't a more objective scoring mechanism. How about gymnasts all do the same routine? Judges will have a consistent look at the same elements. Or perhaps judges could actually follow consistently the guidelines set for point deductions.
Now, I do care about college football and am growing weary of seeing worthy teams sitting on the sidelines watching a less worthy team play for a national championship simply because they're popular and happened to play in a conference that, let's face it, didn't prove too formidable. Popularity shouldn't decide national championships. This isn't homecoming; it's football. The BCS doesn't work. Is it going to take an undefeated USC left on the outside looking in, yet again? Or will it be Ohio State's undefeated season that leaves them playing for position number 3 in a Rose Bowl that causes those conferences who refuse to let go of the past to examine the realities of a playoff system? But hey, boys, it's the Rose Bowl....
Would the playoff solve all problems? No. But at least teams would be given an opportunity to decide it on the field and not let an objective computer filled with subjective information decide. The BCS is broken and only a real-live grind it out on the field playoff is going to fix it, IF our goal is to crown football champions and not homecoming teams.
In both college football and gymnastics, the past carries weight in the present. Before the first ball is snapped or the first somersault is spun, teams and athletes with past success are automatically given an advantage. USA Today's pre-season pollsters give Michigan entry into the top 25 despite the fact that they are breaking in a new coach and are recovering from some stumbles last season. Why? Because they're Michigan. Even though they've recently failed to come through when it counts, Ohio State is sitting pretty at number 2 or 3, depending on which poll you count. USC and Oklahoma are again near the top for the fifth or sixth year in a row. These rankings set up the race for the championship before nary a play is made. Those teams enter every season with a national championship advantage that is very difficult for lower teams to overcome simply because they've done well before, very often despite the previous season's performances. In women's gymnastics, judges, too, are aware of the "favorites" before the opening ceremonies are completed.
There are no tie breakers in either sport. There is no slugging it out on the field or in the gym to see who really is the team on top. For Nastia Lukin's uneven parallel bar tie, it went to the computer. Let's take away this score, throw this score in the mix, add a cup of sugar, a tablespoon of butter, and voila! looks like the Chinese gymnast comes out on top. Football is basically the same recipe. Let's take this poll, a little of that poll, a coach's vote here, a reporter's vote there, and boom! these two teams play for a National Championship. Sorry, Football U. you're schedule wasn't as "difficult" as Number One University.
Subjectivity. In sports where a championship is the goal, where one team or one person strives to prove their dominance in the sport, their unarguable, undeniable worth of being declared the best, subjectivity plays too large a role for the result to be taken seriously. There is no true number one. Pollsters decide, often disagreeing, throughout the season who should be first, second, etc. in college football. In gymnastics, judges often score the same routine with vastly differing scores, despite there being a set formula for difficulty and deductions. Human judgment decides in a big way who gets a chance to play for the prize. And as any of us who are human can tell you, it is very difficult to separate bias and emotion from our decisions no matter how hard we may try.
While I don't really care that much about women's gymnastics, other than pride in my country and a disdain for cheating in any sport regardless of who's playing, it is upsetting that there isn't a more objective scoring mechanism. How about gymnasts all do the same routine? Judges will have a consistent look at the same elements. Or perhaps judges could actually follow consistently the guidelines set for point deductions.
Now, I do care about college football and am growing weary of seeing worthy teams sitting on the sidelines watching a less worthy team play for a national championship simply because they're popular and happened to play in a conference that, let's face it, didn't prove too formidable. Popularity shouldn't decide national championships. This isn't homecoming; it's football. The BCS doesn't work. Is it going to take an undefeated USC left on the outside looking in, yet again? Or will it be Ohio State's undefeated season that leaves them playing for position number 3 in a Rose Bowl that causes those conferences who refuse to let go of the past to examine the realities of a playoff system? But hey, boys, it's the Rose Bowl....
Would the playoff solve all problems? No. But at least teams would be given an opportunity to decide it on the field and not let an objective computer filled with subjective information decide. The BCS is broken and only a real-live grind it out on the field playoff is going to fix it, IF our goal is to crown football champions and not homecoming teams.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Maybe Next Time
When I came down with pneumonia weeks prior to my first marathon, I was disappointed. When I broke my ankle just a few weeks before the third marathon I'd trained for, needless to say, I was disappointed. But to pretend to know the disappointment my husband feels at having to turn down an opportunity to travel across the Atlantic to compete in the World Championship Duathlon because of injury is absurd. I can't even begin to know the gravity of that kind of letdown.
T qualified for the run-bike-run back in April when he competed in the Powerman . Unfortunately, this past Tuesday, he made the difficult decision not to get on a plane to Belgium because a nagging pain in his hip, one that kept him from running, was not improving. A few weeks before our departure date, during a training ride on his bike, T had crashed trying to avoid a dog. Plus, my theory is that his body was also physically exhausted from a grueling months-long training program.
T trained all winter to compete in a half-Ironman. He raced that in May then jumped right into another tough training program for this race. As any long distance athlete can tell you, that sort of training quickly begins to take its toll on your body.
I would just like to say how proud I am of the way my husband has handled this. Those who know him best understand his disappointment at not being able to compete, but he has not worn that disappointment at all. He accepted his injury with grace and even commented to me how there are Olympic athletes who train their entire lives and are forced to pull out of the biggest sporting event of their lives right at the last moment. So he is truly keeping it all in perspective. A faith in God and a trust that He knows all and is in control of all also keeps T's disappointment short-lived and his focus on the next phase of his athletic endeavors. I love you sweetheart and am proud of the man, father, and athlete you are!
T qualified for the run-bike-run back in April when he competed in the Powerman . Unfortunately, this past Tuesday, he made the difficult decision not to get on a plane to Belgium because a nagging pain in his hip, one that kept him from running, was not improving. A few weeks before our departure date, during a training ride on his bike, T had crashed trying to avoid a dog. Plus, my theory is that his body was also physically exhausted from a grueling months-long training program.
T trained all winter to compete in a half-Ironman. He raced that in May then jumped right into another tough training program for this race. As any long distance athlete can tell you, that sort of training quickly begins to take its toll on your body.
I would just like to say how proud I am of the way my husband has handled this. Those who know him best understand his disappointment at not being able to compete, but he has not worn that disappointment at all. He accepted his injury with grace and even commented to me how there are Olympic athletes who train their entire lives and are forced to pull out of the biggest sporting event of their lives right at the last moment. So he is truly keeping it all in perspective. A faith in God and a trust that He knows all and is in control of all also keeps T's disappointment short-lived and his focus on the next phase of his athletic endeavors. I love you sweetheart and am proud of the man, father, and athlete you are!
Saturday, August 9, 2008
Nesting
Apparently, I have entered the phase of pregnancy known as nesting. Since I'm not quite a bird (as evidenced by my growing appetite), I have been referring to this portion as the "Everything Must Go" phase. And I mean everything, from tupperware to weeds to picture frames to clothing. It all seems to be getting on my nerves. If the only light of day an item has seen is when a tiny ray escapes into the open closet door then it must go. (My mother just gasped in horror.)
I'm actually enjoying the nesting part. It has really motivated me to clean, clean, clean and simplify, simplify, simplify, and apparently speak in threes. My poor unwitting husband, whose injury kept us homebound instead of Belgium-bound (more on that later) has become an innocent victim forced by his horomonal wife to wield a screwdriver and hammer on a weekend when he should be biking and running. My daughter, though, is delighted to see what treasures make their way into the floor. It seems that adding another member to the family forces you to actually make a little space for that person.
It is all a transition from cluttered to clutter-free, from baby A to big girl A, from mom of one to mom of two. I sigh as I prepare to move the crib to the new nursery and replace it with a "big-girl" bed. Before the new baby arrives, A's room will be transformed, hopefully "pappy" will be forgotten, and my toddler will be using the potty instead of diapers. Our lives changed so much when A came, in wonderful ways words can't express, and now that we've found our groove and things seem "normal", baby number 2 is coming to change our lives, once again in more wonderful ways. Nothing prepared us for the changes A would bring, and I'm sure we will never truly be prepared for this next phase. At least the house will be all cleaned out and ready.
I'm actually enjoying the nesting part. It has really motivated me to clean, clean, clean and simplify, simplify, simplify, and apparently speak in threes. My poor unwitting husband, whose injury kept us homebound instead of Belgium-bound (more on that later) has become an innocent victim forced by his horomonal wife to wield a screwdriver and hammer on a weekend when he should be biking and running. My daughter, though, is delighted to see what treasures make their way into the floor. It seems that adding another member to the family forces you to actually make a little space for that person.
It is all a transition from cluttered to clutter-free, from baby A to big girl A, from mom of one to mom of two. I sigh as I prepare to move the crib to the new nursery and replace it with a "big-girl" bed. Before the new baby arrives, A's room will be transformed, hopefully "pappy" will be forgotten, and my toddler will be using the potty instead of diapers. Our lives changed so much when A came, in wonderful ways words can't express, and now that we've found our groove and things seem "normal", baby number 2 is coming to change our lives, once again in more wonderful ways. Nothing prepared us for the changes A would bring, and I'm sure we will never truly be prepared for this next phase. At least the house will be all cleaned out and ready.
Monday, August 4, 2008
Headed to Belgium
T and I are headed to Geel, Belgium for the World Duathlon Championships, where T plans to run 13 miles, bike 56 miles, and run about 6 more miles. Injury is leaving wether or not he'll actually compete up in the air, but we plan to make a fun pre-new baby get-away out of our trip. A will be spending time with both sets of grandparents.
While I am thrilled to be going away for a European vacation with my husband, I know I'll be a little homesick for my sweet girl. T and I will be returning from Belgium on our anniversary, so that makes the trip even cooler. Please pray for ours and A's safety and a safe return home. Also, please pray for our little one due in December that mom will take the necessary travel pregnancy precautions. And please pray that God will give T strength and health in competition, if T decides to participate. And of course, that T and I will be witnesses for Christ in all we do.
Thank you! and I'll be sure to post tons of blogs about T, A, and my adventures when we get back.
While I am thrilled to be going away for a European vacation with my husband, I know I'll be a little homesick for my sweet girl. T and I will be returning from Belgium on our anniversary, so that makes the trip even cooler. Please pray for ours and A's safety and a safe return home. Also, please pray for our little one due in December that mom will take the necessary travel pregnancy precautions. And please pray that God will give T strength and health in competition, if T decides to participate. And of course, that T and I will be witnesses for Christ in all we do.
Thank you! and I'll be sure to post tons of blogs about T, A, and my adventures when we get back.
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