Friday, September 7, 2012

"Southern" Belle

I sit under an umbrella, feet digging into the sand, watching my children frolic in the white-capping surf of the Gulf of Mexico.  I sit and read the one publication, outside the Bible, that should be mandatory in all homes this side of the Mason Dixon, Southern Living.  I don't know if it's the lounging lazily in the humidity reading my favorite periodical or if it's the languid cadence of the turquoise expanse pounding hypnotically before me, but I sit here, yup, still sitting, and ponder why I love this warm, friendly, inviting, mysterious, religious, complicated, beautiful piece of heaven also, usually lovingly, yet sometimes resentfully, known as the South. 

While it certainly bears the shame of its share of sins, the South has also been graced with a haunting beauty and mystery that sends many I know spending half of their lives figuring out how to escape the slow rhythm of a quiet, rural landscape for the cosmopolitan promise of success in the North or out West and the other half figuring out how to return to the inescapable, inexplicable fetter that sooner or later beckons them home.  A disclaimer:  I've never escaped the tie that binds me to the South.  Sure, I've moved to big, southern cities like Atlanta and even blazoned trails out west to Dallas, and while I've visited New York and even California, I've never lived anywhere outside of this region. I've threatened to leave, but some esoteric force has always held me captive, and today, I created a list of reasons I believe explain why.  So here are the reasons I love the South:

1.  The Gulf of Mexico 
Although Mexico claimed the naming rights, this body of water remains uniquely Southern.  It kisses the shores of Florida, Alabama, Mississippi, Louisiana, and Texas, all deeply Southern.  While I prefer to visit the Gulf in Alabama or Florida, I'm sure its charms extend to the other states, as well.  There is nothing that compares to the white, sandy shores, dotted by a symphony of colorful umbrellas and tents all proudly displaying their owners' SEC allegiances.  Palm trees mingle with giant arching oaks draped with Spanish moss.  Fishing boats drift lazily by seafood dives that have graced the shores of the Gulf for generations, where gumbo and fried shrimp headline menus that have survived hurricanes and tropical storms.

2.  Southern Writers
Every good reader knows all good writers are from the South....all except Hemingway, and I'm sure he wished he were from here; after all, he claimed Key West as his home, at least part of the time.  From Welty to Faulkner to O'Connor to Lee to Williams to Capote to Bragg....my hands are getting tired.....  Writers who artfully capture the tumultous past and uncertain future of a region haunted by past sins, a region seeking redemption from generations of individuals marred by the stubborn refusal to relinquish an archaic, injudicious ideology.   Where even your great aunt is a master storyteller.  How do you not love a culture that begins a tale with, "You know Maudie, yes, you know Maudie, your grandmother's cousin's best friend's boyfriend's aunt....anyway, she never could leave well enough alone."  And after five minutes of your aunt's captivating yarn, you know Maudie and Herb and Floyd and anyone else who happens to dance into the narrative that has been spun so effortlessly you don't care that most of it probably never happened.....or maybe it did and that's what makes it so captivating.  After any story told by a favorite relative, it's clear that Harper Lee did indeed write To Kill A Mockingbird because she writes it in the same language that all good Southern storytellers speak.

3.  SEC Football, Swimming, Baseball, Basketball, well, all SEC sports because who doesn't love NCAA title winners
I'm an Alabamian, the crystal trophy has become so cozy here that it's building a permanent residence, or so I hear, based on Alabama's performance against Michigan last weekend.  I'm also a huge UK fan, and if Calipari's team last year is any indication, I'm pretty sure a repeat performance is also in his future, too.  As a southerner, I also know it isn't polite to brag, so I'll leave it at that, which brings me to reason number 4....

4.  Southern Manners
We Southerners are a polite bunch.  I've been to, er, other parts of the country, so I speak from experience.  Even my Yankee friends (is it okay to say Yankee?  since, I say this begrudgingly, the best baseball team in history proudly wears the banner, I'll assume yes) comment on how friendly we are here in this part of the country.  Children are taught from birth to say "yes, ma'am" and "yes, sir."  Even when we are hurling an insult, it sounds kind.  I mean, bless your heart, don't you know you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.

5.  Southern Cooking
If you've never indulged in Southern cuisine, well, I say it again, bless your heart.  Biscuits, cornbread, gravy (with sausage), sweet tea, fried chicken, gumbo, fried okra, fried green tomatoes, grits, shrimp and grits, black eyed peas, barbecue, did I mention sweet tea?  Sure, it isn't the healthiest fare in the land, but wow, southerners can cook.

6.  Faith
I know, I know, the South doesn't corner the market on faith, not even close, but I 've never been anywhere where offering to pray for someone is as natural as breathing, and as expected.  While football seems to be a religion, it is clear that true Religion still tempers the culture in a way nothing else can.  It isn't a matter of "do you go to church?"  The question usually begins "where?"  I love that I live in a culture that still expects a healthy fear of the Lord and understands that faith in Christ is paramount to many of its citizens.  I see no shame in being labeled the "Bible belt" even when spoken with a sneer.  For me, it's this openness of faith that makes the South uniquely polite and charitable in a way no other region in the country is.  When disaster strikes, neighbors eagerly grab whatever tool is handy and run to help anyone in need, regardless of faith, race, or creed, while whoever lacks the strength to help physically is rummaging through a box trying to find their grandmother's casserole recipe.  When calamity struck the Gulf coast in the form of Hurricane Katrina and tornadoes ripped homes from foundations on April 27th, the South came together in a way that was awe inspiring. Is that only in the South?   Of course not, but our willingness to forego self and lift up our neighbor even when our own home may be destroyed is something I know, without a doubt, is a way of life here. 

Still sitting, still watching my children frolic, still browsing the tailgate section of Southern Living for recipes for next week's Auburn game, I know why the lure of Spanish moss covered oaks, master storytellers, and great food is too great to escape and why I'll always call the South home. 

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Moment of Clarity

Running down 30-A, somewhere between Santa Rosa and Grayton Beach, it hits me, I've got a problem.  No, I hadn't torn an achilles or pulled a hamstring; the soothing salty air and sound of the pounding surf, along with a fresh dose of running endorphins, had provided a moment of clarity.  Lost in thought, I realize I am a people pleaser.  Not earth-shattering news for those who know me best.  What is groundbreaking about this particular epiphany is the realization that my particular personality quirk is responsbile for the last year of my over-stressed, over-worked, overwhelmed schedule and subsequent sense of angst.  People pleasing is costing me my peace of mind.

It isn't just an inability to say no to another ministry opportunity, to a student who needs help with preparing for the ACT, to a job opportunity that seems too good to pass up.  It is that my idea of being a "good" Christian has long been defined by saying yes to every need that may arise, where I have the opportunity to offer a solution or at the very least a helping hand.  For years, I've believed the more I give of my time, my expertise, my self, the more Christ-like I am becoming.  Let's say for instance I have a full-load of regular students who need tutoring plus 20 ACT students I'm helping for the big day, a daughter who needs help with her homeschooling lessons, a husband who'd like dinner that didn't come from the freezer, a son who wants Mommy to help put together a space puzzle, a lesson that needs to be planned for the classes I teach at the homeschool co-op, a house that has dust bunnies that could be confused with our Golden Retriever, and one more student calls desperate for ACT help at the last minute (because that happens about once a week).  What do I do?  I find two hours in my schedule at 9:00 pm and hope that Starbucks is still open until 11:00 p.m. because that's what Jesus would do, right?  Isn't giving of self until there's nothing left to give the essence of Christian service? And isn't that what people expect?  After all, what would everyone think if I said no?

Although I may not truly "believe" this deep down, it's the way I've lived my life for the past two years, so if I don't believe it, I am certainly living as I do.  Perhaps it is the relaxing pace of a beach vacation, perhaps it is because today is the first time I've found a moment for exercise in the past month, or perhaps it is the first time I've quieted my mind long enough to listen, but the Holy Spirit spoke to me on my run, gently but firmly.  He reminded me that Jesus did not run aimlessly in circles throughout Jerusalem holding up his hand to volunteer for every need that might arise.  Jesus was deliberate in his mission.  He also found time to be alone for prayer and restoration.  After feeding the five thousand, "[Jesus] made his disciples get into the boat and go ahead of him to the other side of Bethsaida, while he dismissed the crowd.  After He said good-bye to them, He went away to the mountain to pray.  When evening came, the boat was in the middle of the sea, and He was alone on land."  Mark 6: 45-47.  After a long day of ministry, Jesus took time to be alone with God to pray and to rest.

The Holy Spirit also reminded me that God, too, rested after creating the earth, even though as the all-powerful Almighty He didn't need to rest.  His act serves as an example for us, an example so powerful that ultimately God declared the Sabbath as a Holy day of rest to be strictly followed by the Jews as part of the Levitical law.  It was so important that anyone not observing the Sabbath could be put to death.  Granted, we are no longer bound by the law, the Sabbath example serves as a reminder that in God's plan for our life is included a day for renewal.  The past two years, there have been times I've worked 40+ days in a row, not a very good example to my children when I ultimately try to explaining to them the importance of the Sabbath.

As I continue my run, I reflect on my mood and my state of mind for the past two years and realize a burned-out Mommy does not make a very good servant no matter how well-intentioned the service may be.  It creates a stressed, short-tempered, distracted, sometimes weepy Mommy who reflects more of an aimless wanderer than a woman living and modeling for my children the abundant life. 

I also came to what may be the biggest epiphany of my run: that my service to others isn't always simply grounded in selfless service; often, it is motivated by what other people might think of me if I don't say yes.  What will everyone think if I am not superwoman?   The Holy Spirit also took a moment in my run, yes, it was a long run, to remind me that Jesus didn't particularly care what others thought.  The people you'd think He would have wanted to impress the most, the leaders of the church, were the ones He seemed to impress the least.  But, that's just it, as One who came to serve, not be served, Jesus served from pure motives, not because He was trying to win favor or look good.  He tells us in John 8:29, "The One who sent Me is with Me.  He has not left Me alone, because I always do what pleases Him."  Jesus was here to please God not man, and I realize that my race has not been the one Paul refers to in 1 Corinthians; mine resembles a hamster on a wheel not really progressing in any direction, pleasing no one, serving few, yet constantly in desperate motion.  Jesus later tells his disciples in that same chapter that "You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." 

On a beautiful covered bridge in Santa Rosa, Florida, God spoke the truth, and I came to see that Jesus and I need to do this more often because He had a lot of truth to deliver, some uncomfortable, unflattering, and unsettling, yet profound, loving, and necessary.  We also need to do this more often because I am sorely out of shape both physically and spiritually.  The truth is I need to stop burning the candle at both ends simply to please man and need to reorder my priorities and eliminate all that isn't part of His plan for my abundant life. This vacation is serving as an opportunity to reflect and reevaluate what that means for my family as I relinquish several work responsibilities and begin a new chapter that includes beginning our homeschooling adventure.