In Defense of Motherhood

A few days ago I came home early from work to find myself home alone, a very rare occurrence.  Rather than do something productive like laundry or lesson planning, I decided to watch a cooking competition where a regular old home cook competes against a professional chef.  On this particular episode, the stay-at-home mom smoked the professional earning a tasty prize of $100,000.  As she tearfully thanked the host, she vehemently stated, fist in air for effect, "This is for all those moms at home just changing diapers thinking there has to be something more."  While the statement seemed tame, I found my pulse begin to pick up its pace and my stomach tighten.  It reminded me of another moment on another game show, Let's Make a Deal, where the host introduced the female contestant who identified herself as just "a stay-at-home mom" then he introduced the male who taught kids to cook and the room erupted into cheers of admiration.  Stop judging my television viewing; stop it now.  What struck me is the lack of respect for motherhood.  It didn't just grab my attention, it angered me.  Why have we as a society reduced motherhood to an endeavor that demands shame or apology?  What's more important than rearing the next generation of lawyers, doctors, scientists, artists, ministers, missionaries, architects, engineers, etc.?  Why must there be something more worthy than that?

Don't get me wrong.  There are days where I feel that if I have to referee one more fight, listen to one more millisecond of a whine, or find one more tiny sock in the sea of laundry that I just might dive in and swim
 away to the nearest Caribbean island, park it on the sand, and listen to Jimmy Buffet for the next two weeks.  I get that the mundane is very, well, mundane, which causes us to question our own contribution to society.  I comprehend the "there must be more" moments, but they're fleeting.  Because, then I look at the faces of my two children and see the future, a future that is bright and full of promise, and folding laundry, helping with homework, listening to them sort through the difficult questions in life is more contribution than any career I could choose.  And, there is sacred in the mundane.  Jesus Christ served, healed, fed, washed, lived the mundane; the King of kings came to earth to serve, humbly, as a servant. Fewer things come closer to living out the gospel than the selflessness, humility, love, and sacrifice of motherhood.

Dear moms, society has lost its ever-loving mind if it makes you feel that you are less worthy, less talented, or less important because you chose the path of motherhood.  Before I continue, let me say what this post is not.  This post is not working mom vs. stay-at-home mom.  I am both.  I stay home and home school my children during the day then work at night.  This post is for all moms.  I don't know of one mom, working or full-time at home, who isn't drowning in laundry, homework demands, or grocery lists.  In our current world of technology, most moms I know work in some capacity, be it from home or outside the home.  This is my plea to all of us to stop it.  Stop apologizing for motherhood.

This is for every mom who has ever apologized for leaving a big project at the office to attend your child's school play.  This is for any mom who's left work under a cloud of guilt because she had to scoot home early to tend to a sick baby.  This is for moms who choose to stay home and quietly mumble at dinner parties that they don't work, as if managing a house full of littles is a recreational activity.  This is for those of us who stay at home but fill our schedules with commitments, so people won't think we're just taking up space.  What must we do all day at home?  This is for all of us who love our children yet feel the tug of careers, volunteer demands, and church commitments.  This is for those of us who sit at work and agonize that we're not at home and then, who once we're home, fret over all that we left undone at work.  This is for moms who are told six weeks is enough time to bond with our babies; get back to work or else face losing your job.  It's time we stop qualifying motherhood as "just" something and force society to celebrate it for the beautiful, magical, sacred calling that it is.

It is time we demand that society respect us as both moms and women who also use our gifts and talents to contribute the larger world.  It's time employers respected motherhood and stopped making us feel like we are constantly having to choose between our families and our jobs. One only need to watch thirty seconds of news to see the effects and aftermath of a society that has stopped respecting the sacredness of the family.  It. Is. Horrifying. I, who set my own hours, found myself working frantically, burning the candle at both ends, day-in and day-out building a business, afraid to say no because I didn't want people to think that a mom couldn't handle both motherhood and her own business.  Frankly, it sucked.  I bought into the lie that women could have it all:  a wildly successful full-time career, a happy, healthy successful family, and time to volunteer in the community.  I couldn't and I had to make a difficult choice.  I choose my family.  I still have to work, but when it comes time to choose between one more client or an afternoon with my kids, I'm learning to choose what's better.  I can do that because I run my own business; it's time as moms we demand the same balanced approach from our employers.  Motherhood is a short season that reaps eternal harvests.

We, as women, are strong, nurturing, forces to be reckoned with.  We can do this.  We can stop apologizing for putting our families first.  We can stop saying we're sorry for choosing our kids.  We can stop mumbling quietly under our breath that we're just mothers.  We can demand society recognize the importance of rearing strong, healthy children and stop forcing us to choose between providing or helping to provide for our family and loving and nurturing our family.  Motherhood is beautiful.  Motherhood is sacred.  It's time we stood up and made society apologize for making us often feel like second-class citizens.  The next time a woman introduces herself as a stay-at-home mom on Let's Make a Deal, let's all stand up and shower her with cheers of admiration.  The next time a working mom says no to one more project because it interferes with coaching her child's soccer team, let's give her a high-five of encouragement, not a steely glare of disapproval.  Because mother, you are never "more" than when you stoop down to fill the heart of your child.