What a Difference a Year Makes

This time last year I was practicing my "so excited about school starting" smile, so it would be ready to wear to the "Welcome to Kindergarten" Ice Cream Social my daughter's new school was hosting as an opportunity for the sweet five-year-olds to meet their future classmates.  I needed this particular smile to hide the "No! I'm not ready for my daughter to start school" frown that I wanted to grab from the closet.  And smile I did.  I smiled so much the only things I needed were Vaseline (keeps your lips from sticking to your teeth), big hair, and an evening dress, and I could have been crowned the next Miss America.  This smile would surely mask any apprehension or nostalgia I was feeling.  After all, a weeping mommy, might cause A to wonder just what exactly awaited her beyond the carpool line that first day.

As a reasonable adult, I knew that all children eventually leave the nest and fly away to school, so the first weeks of August were a whirlwind of purchasing back-to-school outfits, a new lunchbox, and shoes.  I loved the shopping...um, preparation, but I knew each purchase was one step closer to sending my sweet A to kindergarten.  That first day I snapped a flurry of photographs, braided her hair, dressed her in the perfect first day outfit, all the while smiling, trying to create an atmosphere of excitement and eager anticipation for A. When I dropped my girl off that first day and watched her two braids bob into the front door, my smile faded and the tears came.  It was a bit of a relief to be able to finally release all the emotion I'd been repressing for weeks, plus my cheeks were sore from all the smiling.  Yet, to me, it just didn't feel right sending my five-year-old away for thirty-five hours a week of school, a feeling beyond the typical first day of kindergarten blues. 

Fast forward one year, and the mood around here is much more genuine.  The sunny, yet artificial, disposition has been replaced with a real grin; the usual back-to-school chaos is now a relaxed pace.  Instead of shopping for a new backpack, A and I are excitedly discussing curriculum and planning when to study space and whether or not we should pencil in a unit on weather, both strong interests of hers.  Even little brother is getting in on the act, voicing his ideas about a race car unit.  Trips to the mall for clothing have been replaced with trips to 2nd and Charles where we spend hours browsing the education section, trying to narrow down our selections to a few twenty or thirty books. The blessing of homeschooling is allowing us to fit education to our lifestyle.  A is also now playing an active role in her schooling instead of just squeezing into a one-size-fits all course of study.  As a result, a spark has reignited A's waning enthusiasm for education, refueling a real zest for learning.

Our relationship has also benefited from homeschooling preparations.  My business was stealing what little time I did have with my daughter after the demands of school and extracurricular activities, resulting in our decision to homeschool.  Since A isn't coming home from school to find me leaving for work, she is much-less stressed and more herself and so am I.  The search for educational opportunities that truly meet A's aptitude and interests is allowing me to get to know my daughter even better.  I'm discovering who my sweet girl is all over again, and the process has been a blast.  A, C, and I are all looking forward to the unlimited educational opportunities that await.  I'm looking forward to seeing the wonder and awe in my daughter and son's eyes as we discover God's amazing world together and to the opportunity to be a part of those moments I would have otherwise missed.  The result: a smile that isn't forced or masking apprehension.  This grin is the real deal!