On Purpose

"Mommy, why was I born after Sara?  Why couldn't I be the same age as her?"  A's question breaks a few minutes of silence, and I can tell she's been pondering extended family birth order for a while.  Not sure what answer she's looking for, I respond, "Why do you ask?"

"Because I'm younger and she and Kristy are the same age and I want to be 9, too."

"Well, God had you born at the exact right time for what He has in mind for you."  Kids just love answers like this.  I sense definite eye-rolling coming from the backseat.  "But, Mommy, I want to be the same age as my cousins.  I don't want to be younger."

"Remember Esther?" I ask.  "And how Mordecai told her God had her born at just the right time so she could save her people?"

"Which Veggie Tales is that?"  Because apparently my children hear God speak much more clearly through Bob and Larry than through Mom and her good old-fashioned children's bible, I reply  "The one where the baker tries to drop a piano on the king's head."

"Oh!" she says excitedly "That's the one with the land of perpetual tickling."  Now it's time for me to roll my eyes.  "Yes, that's the one," I respond, shaking my head.  "Well, the point of that is how Esther was born for a purpose and how she had the courage to fulfill her God-given mission." Which clearly sounds like wah-wah-wah-wah to the ears of a sweet seven-year-old.

I hear laughing in the back seat followed by, "Mommy, that tickle guy was so funny."

"Yes, yes he was, sweetheart," I say as A moves on to another topic of conversation.  Perhaps she's a little young to grasp God's will and purpose for our lives.

As I think about it, though, many of us aren't that different from my seven-year-old daughter.  I think we often find ourselves wondering if God has a special purpose for us, pondering what exactly our gift is.  I wondered this often in high school.  When I found myself tripping and falling into the gutter in front of the entire school as my dad dropped me off for school one day, followed by the slamming of the car door and someone, who shall remain nameless but shared a room with me most of her life, shouts, "Keep going, Daddy," because she's too embarrassed to be seen with me.  Or, when you're cheering in the biggest rivalry game of the year and during the "Hello" cheer rather than land on your feet, you bounce off your hiney in front of a packed house.  Sure, moments like that will have you cursing your clumsiness and wondering what on earth God has you here to do.  Perhaps I was created to trip in a big battle and launch a weapon that takes out the enemy?

I recall praying as I planned for choosing a college major that God would reveal His purpose for my life, as if choosing the correct major depended on seeing the big picture, all the pieces of the puzzle fitting nicely together or the arrows on the path all pointing in the exact right direction, and I'd just skip merrily along toward "my" goal with God's blessing. I sought the counsel of trusted ministers and mentors always asking, "How do we know God's will?"

As I've gotten older and "matured" in my faith I've found that for me, discovering God's will has really been more about telling God my dreams and goals and asking Him to divinely direct the way to my destiny, the one I had handpicked for myself based on my evaluation of God's gifting in my life.  Rarely, did my prayers include, "Thy will be done" or "what would You have me do?"  More often it was, "This is my goal; here's my ten year plan; please help me achieve it. Amen."  

Every once in a while a verse or chapter of scripture will seem to appear no matter where I'm looking.  Not like writing on the wall, although that would be nice unless your King Belshazzar.  In my recent quest to better understand the concept of grace, I meditated on the thrilling message in Ephesians 2:8-9 "For it is by grace you have been saved-through faith and that is not of yourself, it is a gift from God- not by works so that no one may boast."  Gift from God just hit me anew as I was typing this, and if that weren't incredible enough, God drew my attention to Ephesians 2:10: "For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."  Let that fall on you for a moment.  Just like Esther, before we were even born, God had prepared for us good works to do in our lifetime.  That verse says so much.

For those who wonder if we're just wandering along aimlessly, stumbling from moment to moment, I believe God is saying, "You have a purpose, and I have a plan."  Before we were even born, God knitted us together in our mother's womb for a divinely ordained purpose.  Does that mean we'll all perform breathtaking missions in distant lands?  Probably not.  But I do think it gives us permission to honor God and bring Him glory in every little "mundane" task He asks us to perform....like changing diapers and cleaning up projectile vomiting at 2 am.

Another segment of this verse that I find compelling is that God has prepared us to do His good works.  As I mentioned earlier, I think so many of us tightly grasp hold of a dream or an idea and fight for it despite door after door slamming in our face then close our own door at night and beg God to make our wish come true. We say, "but my heart tells me," failing to understand the admonition that the "heart is deceitful above all things and without cure" (Jeremiah 17:9)  Not that I've ever done that, ahem.  Perhaps the hardest part of this promise to accept is that God has decided the works and our gifts.  It's difficult to relinquish "control" of our own little kingdom.  I'm not saying He is a puppet master and we're absent of free will, but when we're truly seeking His will and direction, sometimes that means surrendering "our" will and opening ourselves up to His.  "Blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him" (Jeremiah 17:7) and not in ourselves.

This isn't always easy, and yes, I speak from experience.  When I was younger, I never dreamed of being a homeschooling, stay-at-home mommy running my own tutoring business.  I swore I'd never teach or that I'd never live in Alabama.  I had big goals, big dreams, big plans.  I, me, this girl here.  When I prayed it was for God to fulfill those dreams, add the divine magic, and I'd do whatever He asked to achieve my plans.  Except, that along the way I discovered that life isn't about me and following Jesus isn't about blessing my plan.  There came a time where I "sacrificed" what I thought I needed to live a fulfilled contented life; I laid on the altar a life that had left me harried, discontent, and ill at ease.  It was at that moment of sacrifice and surrender, where I found peace.  I fully believe complete surrender comes with complete peace.  God isn't there prying our hands open either; He patiently waits for us to willingly hand over our stronghold, so the "One who gives good gifts" can replace it with something better than we can even imagine.

So now that I know God has a plan, now what?  Paul goes on to explain in Ephesians that God gives us the gift of the Holy Spirit, our Counselor and guide.  "In [Christ] and through faith we may approach God with freedom and confidence."  We can ask Him to guide us in His will and trust through faith that He'll show us the way.  We've all been given gifts by the Holy Spirit to use for God's kingdom, so understanding our gifts is a good place to start.  I've also come to understand that my general purpose is to fulfill the Great Commission and to serve the least of these.  God has really taught me to reevaluate my concept of His will and what it means for my life.

So while we may not all be destined to become queens and save our people from destruction, I believe, based on scripture, that we are all here to serve God in a specific capacity, and that alone gives me such hope and purpose, even in the most seemingly insignificant task like pushing a sweet little one on a swing for thirty minutes or reading the same shark book 979 times or dancing one more time to the My Little Pony theme song. Or creating a cartoon that would present the gospel in a way my children can comprehend.  Shout out to Bob and Larry.  Really, moms, when it comes down to it what higher calling is there than to raise the next generation of Esthers and Moredecais?  It's a purpose divinely ordained for me at this moment, and I can think of no other calling I'd rather fulfill.

Life Unplugged

 It only took four weeks to decide on an appropriate time to begin the media fast portion of 7.  The first criteria was it must be spring.  I refuse to be trapped inside on cold, dreary days with two children and no computer, I-phone apps, PBS Kids, or Veggie Tales.  March Madness frenzy must have subsided into one team crowned the NCAA basketball champ of the world.  And, the Duck Dynasty season finale must have aired before I commit to life without Si Robertson.  With my priorities clearly in order, I'm ready.....to unplug.

Let's just say day one gets off to a rocky start.  There is some weeping, a little gnashing of teeth, and that is just me.  After trying unsuccessfully to dry my hair without someone attached to my ankles whining about how bored he/she is, I march downstairs and politely mention to my two that if everyone is so bored with the playroom full of toys then perhaps they could pass the time by filling the garage sale basket with all the items that are producing the boredom.  Because that awesome parenting strategy always produces such quality results, I plod back up to the bathroom with two wailing children now attached to my hips declaring how mean I am. Meantime, I mutter how it should be against the law for mothers to have to work.

Back upstairs, amidst the anguished cries of my children, I look longingly at the television for ten minutes wondering how Curious George is faring without the inquisitive eyes of my little ones, I suggest that A and C dust off their imaginations, now dormant from hours of mindless screen viewing and video-app playing, and create something fun to do while Mommy finishes getting ready for work. Yes, I am aware of the danger in such a request, but desperate times....  Minutes later, I hear giggling and lively chatter.  Curious, I walk into the playroom and discover my children locked in conversation, while A paints her brother's toe nails....wait, is A painting C's toenails?  My daughter has her Hello Kitty manicure/pedicure kit out on the playroom floor, and C has his feet propped on a book.  Innocently, I hear, "Mommy, do you want a pedicure before work?  It's just a dollar."  "Did you charge C?"  I ask.  "It's just a dollar, Mommy," she affirms.  Price gouging and robbing her brother's piggy bank are not exactly what I had in mind, but I do admire her entrepreneurial spirit.  Finally, we get into the car to head to the home school co-op, where I teach two days a week, when I hear, "No TV was fun, Mommy."

The rest of day one continues to improve.  A, C, and I read books, finally get around to exploding the volcano we had molded the week prior, and complete one of the science projects in our new science curriculum.  Tucking A in bed later that night, she confesses, "Mommy, TV is boring.  This was much more fun."  My husband and I close out day one of our media fast with bible study and meaningful conversation rather than sitting on opposite couches lost in Twitter.  Perhaps there's something to this fasting from media, after all.

Day two begins much more smoothly with my two immediately going into the playroom after breakfast to find something to play rather than mindlessly lying on the couch watching Super Why.  I join them for a few books and a game of My Little Pony before taking C to preschool.  The rest of the week progresses in much the same way.  A and C grow more independent in navigating life without a screen and less dependent on me for constant suggestions.  Life without television, social media, or apps becomes quite marvelous, and as always, God uses this fast to teach me, to convict me, and to love me.

I've never been much of a "fast-er."  I've always been more of a freedom not law kind of girl when it came to something as inconvenient as a fast.  Previous posts reveal that I can be quite legal in other areas but fasting, eh, is that necessary anymore?  The lessons learned from 7 shout a resounding, "Yes!"  Fasting is a very effective Christian discipline, one God is using to change my life.  I believe fasting jars our routine, shakes us from complacency, and issues a wake-up call to a sometimes lethargic approach to our relationship with Christ.  A fast wakes us up, drives us to our knees, shakes us to our core, reveals sin yet to be repented, teaches us about our weakness and true dependence on God, and draws us close to the One who loves us more than we can imagine.

To be honest, this was my favorite fast.  I'm an avid reader, so I loved the opportunity to share more books with my children and to read with my husband in the evening after my little ones had been tucked tightly in their beds.  Granted, he would probably have preferred not to have me share every detail of my book, so he could enjoy his in peace.  This was nothing like the despair of giving up chocolate and iced tea (maybe despair is a bit over-dramatic).  Rather than spending days in the same outfit, hoping I didn't stink, I truly enjoyed my children.  Sure, there were times when I needed a moment to myself and wanted nothing more than to switch on Bob and Larry, but overall, what I gained from this fast was more about conviction and less about self-denial.

This fast became uncomfortable when a wave of conviction fell on me about how I have been over-using television and social media.  Don't get me wrong.  I am pretty strict about what I allow my children to view.  Our parameters include no television programs with advertisements, and most TV viewing should have spiritual or educational value, which means a lot of PBS Kids, Veggie Tales, Magic School Bus, and Adventures in Odyssey, balanced by a healthy dose of viewing for family fun and entertainment.  Who doesn't love Brave, How to Train Your Dragon, and Despicable Me?  We have even disconnected cable, preferring to top our home off with 21st century rabbit ears for over-the-air television, which for the record means no DVR; I'm just saying, rather sadly, by the way.  And while TV does offer an opportunity to discuss how to handle real-world situations with grace and respect, I found that my little ones were watching an hour of PBS kids in the morning, an hour while I made dinner or squeezed in a workout, and a half-hour before bed.  That doesn't seem over-the-top, but it adds up to about 2 1/12 hours a day or 17.5 hours a week, which is like an entire day of television watching per week. While much of that time isn't active television watching, it is still on in the background subliminally entering our subconscious.

This figure also doesn't count Leap Pad or I-phone in the car.  Has media become my crunch baby-sitter or substitute teacher?  While educational videos and apps have value, how much trouble would it be to set up a craft or project for my little ones before making dinner?  It is just inconvenient, and let's face it, being a homeschooling/part-time working mommy can sometimes be exhausting, but it's really not about me.  This season is short and the values I pass on to my children are invaluable.

As we practiced this fast, a few verses kept coming to mind:  "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is, his good, perfect, and pleasing will."  Romans 12:2 and "Finally brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things." Philippians 4:8  Whether we like it or not, as followers of Christ we are called to guard not just our hearts but also our minds and to be savvy about what enters our thoughts.  What we watch, read, and hear affects our thoughts, often more than we realize.  Just ten minutes on Pinterest and my thoughts are no longer lovely or admirable.  Comparison Callie takes over, and I begin a conversation with myself about the chasm that exists between me and the apparent super-creative-skilled mommies who create picture perfect rooms, meals, and children to pin on their boards for all the world to see, while also heading Fortune 500 companies.  Then, I hop on Facebook and discover that someone who days ago gave birth to twins has managed to make homemade dinosaur cupcakes for a birthday party that would make Martha Stewart want to bury her head in a fossil.  But clearly, I have no issues with social media or self-esteem.

All joking aside, Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest are all lovely ways to be inspired and to connect to friends and family, but they can also be a major waste of time, a black-hole vortex of time waste.  Two minutes to scan your updates can easily turn into forty-five minutes of liking, responding, and reading articles, and the next thing you know it's time for bed and the mountain of laundry you dumped out to fold before morning is still majestically piled to the ceiling fan.  Television can have the same effect.  An hour of The Voice, thirty minutes of Duck Dynasty, and an hour of the Braves adds up.  The next thing you know Mt. Laundrymanjaro has become Everest  I've heard of someone, we'll call her Jules, who once spent three hours a night after her children went to bed catching up on two seasons of Downton Abbey,so she'd be caught up for the season premier of season 3.  While there's nothing inherently wrong or ignoble or un-praiseworthy about the content of these programs, the time wasted is shameful.

What if I spent that time reading and learning, or what if I spent that two hours of night-time viewing catching up on my scrapbook, or here's an idea: preparing a meal to take to an elderly neighbor or planning a day to give an overworked friend a few hours of free childcare.  Social media and television, in an attempt to connect us to the rest of the world, have disconnected us from each other.  Wouldn't an evening of visiting with neighbors in the front yard be more worthwhile?  When Jesus gave his final command, he told us to go and preach and spread the gospel and make disciples.  How often do I complain of not having enough time for service when I have enough time to post 70 pictures of my children dancing to hamster commercials and hear stories about a "friend" spending 18 hours in a week catching up on Downton Abbey.  Shame on her...  We are quickly losing ground with spreading the gospel in our own country.  Could it be that we're so absorbed in our own little media worlds that we've lost touch with those hurting right outside our doors?  Are we missing the best moments with our children because Dora is on, my Facebook notification just rang, and Alabama is about to score a touchdown? (Sorry Auburn, we have three combined SEC wins for all our sports this year?!)

Again, it's not that these things are inherently bad, but what if it's becoming an idol?  I recently read Kyle Idleman's gods at war, where he shares a story of traveling to India and being surprised to find every chair in the small house he visited being turned to face an idol on a shelf, which may seem ridiculous to Christians in America, that wooden idols would hold power.  Yet, he then shares coming home to his den, where every chair in the room faced a large rectangle with colorful moving pictures poised in the middle of the room.  His remarks are both telling and convicting.  Have we foregone good old-fashioned backyard barbecues and neighborhood block-parties for American Idol and Twitter?  Has our love of celebrities and instant news and mindless entertainment become our god?  I've often gone to bed after watching a program thinking, "What have I accomplished with that moment of my life?"  And while I realize it's impossible to be moving at full-force day-in and day-out, and we need time to unwind, those moments add up to become hours and days.  I've felt compelled this week by the Holy Spirit, not just to evaluate my media choices, but to evaluate how I spend my time, and I think that has been the most eye-opening element of this entire experience.

What we consider unwinding, too, may actually be winding us tighter than that little pink bunny with the drum.  According to Jen Hatmaker's 7, "juggling email, phone calls, and other incoming information can change how people think and behave.  They say our ability to focus is being undermined by bursts of information.  The stimulation provokes excitement-a dopamine squirt- that researchers say can be addictive. In its absence, people feel bored......And for millions of people...these urges can inflict nicks and cuts on creativity and deep thought, interrupting work and family life" (102).  So, we are actually altering our brain chemistry and not in a good way.  We've become so wired that unplugging can cause distress and withdrawal.  That really disturbs me.  When I consider that God created us for meaningful fellowship, that our life mission as believers is to spread the gospel, and that we are crumbling as a culture faster than overcooked cookies makes me want to do more than just pull the plug on cable.

Of course, we, as Christians, also need to be relevant and aware.  Christ's call to be as gentle as doves is also coupled with shrewd as serpents.  We need to understand what's happening in our world to better serve and minister in our world.  Striking balance is critical but not impossible when guided by the loving hand of the Holy Spirit.  While this week wasn't overly difficult for me, it was a wake up call forcing me to evaluate my use of media, particularly where my children are concerned.  So, sure, there were moments when I almost broke down and allowed Curious George to explore the Johnson household, I found that when I plugged into my imagination, fun and creativity often followed.  My children rediscovered their own imaginations and favorite toys and books and even began to depend on each other more for entertainment.  This week became a turning point in their brother/sister relationship.  It also allowed my husband and me to actually sit and listen to each other without the din of television in the background.  The lessons learned from this week our family plans to incorporate into our lives, like media-less days twice a week.  So if I don't return your email for a few days, don't panic; I'm just unplugging from media for a little while and plugging into my God and my family.