The Misfit Mom

When I left work and happily entered the land of full-time motherhood, I also unexpectedly entered a world of isolation and a time of personal rediscovery. I was immediately forced to reexamine my definition of self and what being "stay-at-home" as opposed to "working" meant. I was also not ready for the complete disconnect with old friends. Lonely took on a new meaning, and while it's gotten easier, I am still searching for some stay-at-home mom friends, so I decided to attend a meeting of a local parent volunteer group. Fish out of water, anyone??

My husband and I lovingly refer to our home as being in the "slums" of the affluent community in which we live, so I was not overcome by surprise when I walked into the meeting and saw fashionable Louis Vuitton purses and Coach handbags. I, for some reason, had made the odd wardrobe choice of a comfortable sweater and jeans smeared with black beans from my attempt to cook and eat dinner in a half-hour, so I could make the meeting on time. I walked into a room of thirty women who all looked like the moms you see in Parents magazine. Those who've spent all day with toddlers yet still manage to look freshly showered. I had just barely managed a shower sometime in that day.

Perhaps I have an inferiority complex, or maybe I really am just shy, and while I do realize I was not about to enter the battlefield, walking into that room full of complete strangers did require me to muster quite a bit of courage. I meekly scurried to my seat and pretended to be busy filling out the registration form. Every now and then I would look up, praying for a familiar face to appear in the doorway. I did make eye contact and smile, but after a few minutes of neither speaking nor being spoken to, I debated leaving entirely. Then, they brought out the cheesecake brownies, so I thought I'd give it a little more time. Surely, I could find one conversation that needed my sparkling personality to give it a little more oomph.

Remember double-dutch from elementary school, the two jump ropes flying at once and you have to find that perfect moment to enter without breaking the rhythm and falling flat on your face. This was a lot like that. Trying to find a conversation and feel like there was a right time to enter. The problem is most of the women already knew each other or knew someone who knew someone they knew, and I just didn't really know anyone. This new mommy friend find, it turns out, is much like finding a date. Before I had a chance to "make new friends" the meeting began, and I remembered that I was here to find volunteer opportunities in my community.

After the meeting and on an apparent cheesecake-induced sugar high, I finally mustered the courage to introduce myself to a few women it seemed like I might have something in common with. Lo and behold, they were just as kind and warm as I should have expected. Leaving, I felt more sheepish than discomfited and had learned a valuable lesson in judging others based on appearance. Like double-dutch jump rope, some elementary lessons don't always stick.

Something in my nature often leaves me feeling out-of-place when in the presence of with-it women, perhaps it is my inability to walk without falling, but when it comes down to it, I imagine they struggle with feeling less than perfect more often than I imagine. While I'll never be completely at ease entering a room full of strangers, I am proud that I at least had the gumption to try, and I am sure will eventually have some meaningful friendships as a result. I just hope one of my new friends has the recipe for those brownies.