You're Kidding: Rant from a Monday Morning Quarterback

Saturday afternoon, I tuned my ears northward to hear the bloodcurdling howls of despair flooding across the wind from Ann Arbor. Four short quarters into football season and already shouts of hope and joy had turned into groans of despair as the number 5 team in the country had been upset, not by a normal Division I-A whipping boy, no this was a I-AA cream puff.

My joy at upset in the Big 10, the toppling of a media darling, was short-lived because shortly after Appalachian State's victory, I tuned my ears southeastward to the Plains, where barely audible was even the faintest sign of a heartbeat. Once again, Auburn sputtered getting out of the starting gate (recall USC and Georiga Tech). Actually the engine choked and died, yet the Tigers managed to find the right gear, quite literally in the nick of time. Despite having Kansas State hand them the football game on a silver platter of penalties, Auburn struggled mightily to find any offense. (It seems frustration brings out the cliches.)

The most important position on the Tiger's football team? Apparently, it, for yet another season, is the field goal kicker. It is hard to outscore your opponent when you are chipping away three points at a time. Unless the field goal pointage is doubled, Auburn's offense could be headed for trouble. Maybe it just took us a while to warm up and the last two minutes of the game are indicative of the coming season....maybe?!

(Quick aside: Please raise your hand if you, who were watching the Auburn/Kansas State game on ESPN, cared very deeply about the no-hitter being thrown by Busmolz, or Buchholz, or what was it again? I really do love baseball, could not be prouder for any young man who pitches a no-hitter on his second time out in the majors. BUT I doubt very seriously those of us who were on the edge of our seats, praying for a fourth quarter comeback were very interested in having our game interrupted to watch, not only the final out of the ORIOLES vs. RED SOX game, but also the ten minute celebration following. Just letting you know ESPN, those of us not in the northeastern corner of the country, which is most of us, think baseball season ended Saturday. Especially since my Braves will apparently be doing a repeat of last year's play-off no-show.)

All right, where was I? Tennessee, oh Tennessee. How could you? How could you? I know you were probably a little frightened by the Berkley hippies hanging from the trees (there really were people hanging from trees, if you missed it), but that pesky PAC-10 beat you, and already the ranting and gloating, has begun. John Kincaid, on his Sunday radio show, kicked it off early when he said, those SEC zealots. Must I even go on or do you know what is coming next? When we said put up or shut up, the PAC-10 put up. Will you take your shut up juice diet or regular?

Kincaid said basically that a conference cannot be judged by one really good football team in that conference. The conferences are made up of individual teams that have no effect on the other teams successes or failures. We, zealots, have this misled notion that because Tennessee, Florida, etc. does well that it reflects nicely on the conference. We did that John? Is it the fans who create a graphic for your broadcast during bowl games that keeps a tally of the conferences'
wins and losses, thus determining the success of that conference and its teams? Is it the fans who sit at the sports desk comparing conferences week in and week out, highlighting the strong teams from that conference as evidence for their point? The road to the BCS is traveled heavily through the conference.


Finally, what do yesterday's ups and downs, surprises and disappointments mean? Frankly, that pre-season polls are pointless. Maybe Michigan is the fifth best team in the country still, and they struggled a bit, but we'll never know. They'll drop out of the conversation. Notre Dame, overrated, as always. Kansas State was probably underrated (not excusing Auburn's miserable play). When it comes down to it, we can't know what teams hit a groove over the summer, what losses of old players will do to the dynamic of a team, or any of those intangibles. Every opening day, good teams stumble and good teams emerge. We just make sure that, this season, USC, Michigan, Texas, and LSU get a head start. It is a pity Michigan can't gain momentum and be the team to beat in the playoffs. But I'll save my playoff rant for another day.